You're responsible for your own happiness. Total rant.

Something I've been thinking about today is how sometimes I've heard people say "You're responsible for other peoples happiness".

That we have to consider everones feelings before we do something. 

That we should always think about others happiness.

I think it's all bullshit.

YOU should be responsible for YOUR own happiness.

Don't go blaming others if you're not happy. Your emotions are yours.

Take control of your own happiness. Don't expect others to do it for you!

Of course others can bring you happiness but don't count on it. You'll get hurt.

This is something I believe but at the same time I still try to please others.

I'm a fucking idiot.

Of course making others happy can also make me happy.

Isn't that just why I do it then? To selfishly make myself happy?

I want to believe that.

But now I'm starting to think I do it because I don't trust other ppl to make their own happiness. Maybe in my heart I actually believe that I'm better than most ppl and therfore I have to be nice to them? Hmm.

I guess that's better than thinking I'm better than most ppl and being an asshole to them. lol

Just because I think I'm better than most ppl doesn't mean I think I'm perfect.

I have problems with not being selfish enough. Not seeing to my needs before others.

The opposite of my own filosophy about happiness responsibility.

I'm just a mess off contradiction. A coward who can't make her mind up?

But I think I'm getting better at making my own happiness.

A couple of years ago I was an expert at making my own unhappiness though.

But I knew it. I just didn't wanna feel better. I wanted to be wrapped in the safe blanket of hurt.

To know I would cry every night. There's a strange comfort in that. 

Feelings are so complicated.

If everyone could just decide to take responsibility for their own feelings. 

Don't let yourself be hurt by others. Don't be offended by what others think about you.

Those should not be you feelings. That's other ppls feelings and they have nothing to do with you.

Think about it for a while. What do YOU feel about YOURSELF?

Are those your feelings or did you get them from somebody else?

Even if it's from an insult or flattey.

If we can peel away all that and get to the core of ourself what would happen?

Would there be some kind of feeling there? The first basic emotion?

What would it be? Love? 

Wouldn't that be cool?

But it's probably something more like greed. Or there could be nothing.

I might be on to something here? 

I don't want to think we're just the product of other ppls opinions about us. 

I don't want to be that. 

Wow, my head is just so full of thoughts today. 

Can't get everything out. XD

There was something else I wanted to write about but I forgot.

I could go thinking about this happiness thing all day now. 

I just want to be happy.

I should stop thinking. ;)