Pendant

My galaxy.

It looks a lot more scratched in the photo but it's really very shiny. Completely made in sterling silver.

School projects.

This year I started a two year university program in gemology, goldsmithing and gemstone engineering.

I've almost fininshed 1/4 of the program and this is the practical things I've done so far.

Three cabochon cut stones. Quartzite, serpentine and marble. I made these for the course in cabochon cutting but I've also cut many other stones.

A silver ring for the first part of the gold/silver smithing course. It's not my own design. Made to specific measurements as part of the course.

A pendant I'm working on for the goldmithing course. It's shaped like a galaxy but it's not finished yet. I might make a collection of this design later.

So far it's been a great experience to be a university student although I live far from campus. I've moved to Lannavaara in the far north of sweden. I've seen huge auroras and lots of reindeer and even with the cold it's pretty awesome.

I feel like this is what I'm supposed to to with my life for the moment. :)

Wise Traditions London 2011 - Conference DVD available now

Just ordered this from amazon.uk.

It's almost too cheap for 14 hours of brilliant talks!

Can't wait to watch it and maybe get some of my friends to watch it too. ;)

Right now I'm watching the exellent talk in this video about the obesity epidemic.

Promotional Video for Wise Traditions London 2011 from Wise Traditions London on Vimeo.


Everyone should watch this.

I really hope that things will change and people will start eating real food again.

My different looks over 3 years in music. :P

Not sure my voice has impoved but I think my looks have? lol


Orange!

I like this hair alot.

Atomic Pink

Loved this hair. I miss it!

Brown. When I had this hair all my recordings sucked. Hmm...

Like the braids on the side.

So dark.

Suddenly blonde!

Two blondes duette.

Blonde...

Still blonde.

Well, I've been blonde for a long time now.

Maybe it's time for a change?

Tsuki No Suna - Matenrou Opera

kawaita oto wo tate kotoba ga chitte yuku
kokoro ni tsumareteta anata kara no kotoba
watashi no ikigai marude suna no you ni
kaze ni nagarete iku katachi dake nokoshite

haiiro de futa wo shita mafuyu no kumori sora
iro wo kasane sugite nigotte shimattano?
dareka ga watashi no kokoro wo egako uto
fude wo kasanete shippai shitamitai

toori sugita hibitonatte iku no kana
soredemo tsunora seteiku
anata he no

nikushimi wo tabanete kanashimi to watashi ha ikiru
kono mune no naka
suna ninatteiku anata ga kureta kotoba no kakera tachi
atsumete mite mo suri nuketeiku bakari
kono teno naka kara

watashi dake ga kizutsuite
watashi dake naiteru
watashi dake hitori de
anata wo omotteru

sukoshi ha hontou nokoto wo shabette ita no?
nani mo kamo utagatte shimau
anata no hontou wo shiri takatta kedo
ima ha sonna koto shiri takuna kattato omou

atataka na tsuki no youni
anata no koto mamori takatta
konna kimochi mo anata nitotte ha
tadano omo ni nishikanara nakatta no kana

nikushimi wo tabanete kanashimi to watashi ha ikiru
kono mune no naka
suna ninatteiku anata ga kureta kotoba no kakera tachi
atsumete mite mosuri nuketeiku bakari
kono teno naka kara
kuyashi ikeredo
namida ga nokotteru anata ga koishii

kawaita oto wo tate kotoba ga chitte iku
kokoro ni tsumareteta anata kara no kotoba

Translation

Words scattering with a hollow sound,
the words from you that were stored in my heart,
Just like the sand, my reason to live
is being swept away by the wind, leaving only its shape behind,

A cloudy, midwinter sky shrouded in grey,
Did it grow muddy because too many colours were layered on?
It’s as if someone tried to paint my heart
but piled on the brushstrokes and failed,

Will every day continue to pass me by?
Even so, I’ll let it grow stronger
toward you…

Controlling my hatred, I will live with sadness
in this heart,
Even if I try to gather them
the fragments of the words you gave me turn to sand,
just slip away from these hands,

Only I am hurting
Only I am crying
Only I am alone
thinking of you

Did you speak a little of the truth?
I end up doubting everything,
Though I wanted to know your truth,
now I think I wouldn’t have wanted to know such things,

Like the warm moon
I wanted to protect you,
But perhaps for you these feelings too
could only become a burden,

Controlling my hatred, I will live with sadness
in this heart,
Even if I try to gather them
the fragments of the words you gave me turn to sand,
just slip away from these hands,
Though it’s frustrating,
there are tears left and I miss you

Words scattering with a hollow sound,
the words from you that were stored in my heart

Credit:
http://antares489.wordpress.com/

Training

Yesterday I bought this vibration training machine.

It's so cool! I got it really cheap second hand but it's like new. I payed 450kr and a new one costs around 3000kr.

After a 10 minute work out today it feels like I've been running three miles. If I use this everyday I will definately become stronger wich is what I'm going for. I need to strengthen my arm, chest and ab muscles. 

It gives a really nice massage too. It's awesome and I love it! 

Maybe the best buy of the year.

Some of the benefits from using a vibration plate is supposed to be:

Muscles

• Stretches Muscles
• Develops the elasticity and flexibility of muscles
• Improves power and resistance of muscles.

The articulations, tendons andtissues of muscle

• Support the flexibility of articulations
• Reinforcement of the articulations.

Bones

• Helps prevent different risks of osseous lesions
• Reinforces the osseous cartilage

Abdominals

• Reduces surplus fat in the abdominal region
• Supports digestion and helps assimilation by upper and lower intestines

The nervous system

• Increases mobility the nerve impulse

The hormones

• Induces the secretion of hormones (HGH, IGF-1)
• Supports the production of testosterone
• Supports production of serotonin and promotes a feeling of wellbeing

Blood circulation

• Supports and improves blood circulation
• Reinforces the metabolic rate
• Reduction of muscular cramps

Skin

• Facilitates drainage on the capillary vessels and lymphatic system by improving blood circulation
• significant reduction of cellulites
• Reinforcement of the elasticity of the skin, helps the production of collagen (anti-ageing)

The sellers claim that one months training on a vibration plate is like one years normal training. I don't really believe that but I guess in a month I'll know if it does something. It sure feels like it will!

Make-up.

I made a new blog with pics of make-up I have done. Like a portfolio.
Klick here to check it out. 

Nara, Japan.

Watercolour painting. From a photo I took in Nara 2009. First time I've painted a deer. This painting was a little difficult but I think the light and shadow looks good. I kind of hate painting trees. Haha.

Sakurako

Akiyoshi

My friend Akiyoshi recently had surgery so I made him a portrait wishing for his health and quick recovery.

It's from a photo I took last time I was in Japan. I love how his back look so warm.

Ting-Fung

From a photo I took.

Yuhei 2

Portrait again. I think this one is better than the one I did last night.

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Yuhei

Portrait of my friend. First try. I'll remake it soon because it was better earlier on and then I ruined it with too much paint. I liked it better when it was more clean black and white before I did the messy background and too much shadow. It's just black water color.

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Emma Headstorm's photostream

Emma Headstorm's photostream on Flickr.

Images from my life.

What a day.

Got up at 5.30am and went to Stockholm with the 7.53am train.

Did make-up on a few girls including doing needle marks from drug use. 

Also did the make-up for the lead and supporting actor for today's scene wich we shot at a sex club!

It was pretty cool to get to go in there and see what it looks like. All the rooms in the basement and showers and jacuzzis. I wonder how much it costs to get in and get a private show. Can't ppl just rent a porn movie? lol

The bar menu said a pizza cost 990kr (about $155)! I guess maybe the don't want ppl to order food. Haha.

The shoot didn't finish on time of course, it never does so I had to go home before it was over.

I took the train back and rode on my bicycle pretty far to a spa. I had made an appointment earlier so I got 30% off the price. I got a facial treatment and that was great. Acid peeling and masks and stuff. I got some orders from the girl who treated me. I gotta lay off the stong stuff. And by that I don't mean alcohol. I mean strong cleansers. She recommended a face mask made from pure Hungarian lake clay that was black so I bought a tube.

Booked another appointment in August and I'm looking forward to that.

When going homw it started to rain so I had to stop under a tree for a while because I couldn't let my face get wet.

Now I'm finally home! Later than expected but better late than never. 

I'm gonna relax now.

Tomorrow I get my new RA medicine, Humira. 

Hoppet

Hoppet är det sista som dör.
Jag kan inte ge upp än.
Vad jag än gör känner jag att jag vill vara mer än en vän.
Du vet det nu men jag vet inte om du förstår.
För du vill ha mig kvar som en vän ändå.
Det har hänt mig förut och det sårade mig djupt.
Klarar jag det igen eller ska jag ge detta ett slut?
Att älska är alltid en risk men jag tror på...
att man måste ge för att kunna få.

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Flow chart to my heart.

Making these are fun! lol

Painting.

Based on the photo below. It's just black acrylic on a linen canvas. I think I overdid it a little bit. Wish I could have gotten more luminosity in it like in the photo but it's still pretty nice, I think. First thing I've painted in years! This took me only 5 hours but it's really small. 12 x 18 cm.

Should I paint more?

Photography

This is a photo I took in Japan 2009. I'm thinking of making a painting out of it. 

The original photo is in colour but I think it looks more interesting in black and white.

I miss Japan.

Dating personality test results.

Maid of honor.

Appreciated for your kindness and envied for all your experience, you are The Maid of Honor.

Charismatic, affectionate, and terrific in relationships, you are what many guys would call a “perfect catch”—and you probably have many admirers, each wishing to capture your long-term love. You’re careful, extra careful, because the last thing you want is to hurt anyone. Especially some poor boy whose only crime was liking you.

We’ve deduced you’re fully capable of a dirty fling, but you do feel that post-coital attachment after hooking up. So, conscientious person that you are, you do your best to reserve physical affection for those you respect...so you can respect yourself.

Your biggest negative is the byproduct of your careful nature: indecision. You’re just as slow rejecting someone as you are accepting them.

Shopping!!!

Since I quit my job I can now wear whatever I want when I go out so I've been updating my closet.

Thrown out some of the old stuff I used to wear at work but wouldn't be want to seen in in public

and bought some great new dresses for this hopefully warm and relaxing summer.

I rarely buy designer clothes but now a new second hand store has opened in my city. They only quality designer labels and I love shopping there because you can really find some unique and cool stuff.

Today I found this great silk top by Rützou. It's very dressy but casual and it's something I feel like I can wear anytime, anywhere even if I feel fat that day. ;)

It's very cool how the silk is woven in the pattern of little hearts. Cute! 

I also bought this dress by DAY Birger et Mikkelsen.

It was really hard to take a pic that shows the actual colour but it matches my eyes. ;)

It's super comfy and pretty.

Yesterday I went to VIP shopping at JOY and I bought my two favourite dresses from the store because I got a 30% discount.

I think this dress is super cool and very fresh. Even if it has alot of ruffles it feels more runway than boheme.

The ruffles are all in the right places too if you know what I mean. 

And then some real romance.

I just love this! It's the perfect summer picnic, Swedish midsummer dress. 

Also really comfy and wide. 

I had a 25% discount at Dea Axelssons as well so I went and bought this great off white cardigan that goes with both dresses and basically everything else. Great with jeans!

Now I just need to get better at buying basic clothing like white t-shirts and such because I suck at that. I have a huge closet full of clothes that don't really go together. I really need some basics to tie it all together and make the unique and cool pieces I have stand out more.

Personality disorder test results.

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||| 26% Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 62% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 74% Antisocial |||||||||||| 46% Borderline |||||||||| 34% Histrionic |||||||||||| 42% Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 66% Avoidant |||||||||||| 42% Dependent |||||||||||| 46% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

So my top three are:

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.


Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.


Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.
Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

I should just stop talking to people.

I'll just make people hate me sooner or later.

Nobody wants honesty even if they say thay do.
Nobody want to hear someone elses opinion.

People only want you to tell them what they want to hear.
And then sometimes they don't want you to tell them that either.

I'm just confused.

It all comes down to that I have this bad habit of caring about people who don't give a shit about me.

It dissapoints me so when people act like spoiled little children.

This song says it.

Birthday!

OMG I can't believe I'm so old! lol

Well, I had a great week and now I just gotta look forward to the rest of my life.

So, happy 30th birthday to me!

It's that time of the year again.

I hate that I have to decide when to have my summer vacation now.
Last year I didn't go to Japan because I just could't get in thouch with anyone in time to plan.
If I want to go this year, I know I have to go alone again. If my friends in Japan don't have time to hang out with me when I'm there it'll suck, like last time.

There's another possibility I was hoping for but now it seems like it's not going to happen.
I would have been happy staying home if there was someone here that wanted to be with me.

I don't need to go to Japan but if I don't have anything else to do I want to go.

I want to go to Japan in August, like I always do. June and July is the rainy season so that's not so fun.
August is hot and it's still summer. August has obon and matsuri.
September is ok too but it gets colder then and the summer fun is over.
Maybe a stay at a nice onsen ryoukan could be fun though. I've never been to one.

Anyway, I have to save up alot of money so I can't really go sooner than August.
Depending on how much money I have, maybe I could stay up to seven weeks.
But that's only if I have some friends to keep me company.

Today I was looking for information about becoming an english teacher in Japan but I found out I need a university degree to get a visa for work in Japan so I'd have to go to university here first.
I can't really find anything I want to study though and I'm starting to feel like it's almost too late now.
Can't really feel motivated but somehow I need to.

Why do I always feel more motivated to help other people but not to help myself?!

Sometimes I feel like I have wasted the best years of my life working at a job I don't like and not getting anywhere. I could have studied, met more people, travelled more and had more fun.
Now I'm 30, I have RA, no edjucation, no boyfriend and no freedom.

How can I turn this around?

Nee Demo kotae janakute Riyuu ga hoshiin da!!

Forever or never

It's all or nothing now. If it doesn't work out I'll drive it into the ground. I'll destroy it completely and leave no doubts. No ifs, buts or hows.

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In this new year...

There are some things I want to hold on to from the last year and some things I want to let go.

I'll probably never lose hope in some things no matter how realistic I am, I still dream alot.

I'm ready for what comes my way so bring it on!