Been home from work because my shoulder hurt alot. Must be some kind of inflammation.
It's getting better so I'm not worried.
When the pain goes away I think I want to go swimming. It's been a long time and I really like being in the water. I need some form of exercise.
Can't be fat and lazy forever.
When I'm at home alone like this I can't help thinking about life.
What to do, who to trust.
Boys...worry me.
Even if there's someone I really like who says he likes me too, I'm afraid to trust that.
Last time someone swore he loved me it was all bullshit.
Everytime I try to grasp love it just runs through my fingers like sand.
Somehow though, it leaves me feeling emptier than before every time.
I don't blame myself though.
I've done nothing wrong.
Loving is never wrong.
Right?
Right now I've realized my computer is my best friend. Isn't that tragic? Hah!
But lately I've mostly been waiting for someone. Someone I feel is special.
I want more time with this person.
And a meeting in real life.
This week I started planning for a trip to Japan.
Only reason I want to go is to see my friends.
I'm not a tourist anymore. I don't need much shopping.
Still haven't booked a ticket though. I'm unsure.
It doesn't feel like I should go this year.
I just don't feel welcome.
I'm afraid it'll be like last year.
So the more I think about it I feel like I won't go.
I don't want to be alone there. And I feel like I'd just be a burden to my friends.
There's really not much point in me going.
I know someone wants to see me but I can't just go for a week.
The longer I wait the more expensive the tickets get.
Right now I'm just waiting.
The white nights are coming soon.
I want a new bicycle.
I want a healthy body.
I want to fall in love, with all my heart, with someone who loves me back the same way.
I want to be rich and be able to go anywhere, anytime.
I want to go to South Korea.
I want to learn Japanese and Korean.
So much I want but all I do is sit and dream.
Maybe it's time to wake up.
